I’ve forgotten who I was,
And at this point in time I’m not sure it matters
if I once jumped out of a car on a red light because the guy behind me had been tailgating me.
Or that I used to laugh in inappropriate places,
And that I always jumped out of bed as soon as I awoke,
happily counting on the wishes, waiting impatiently on my nightstand,
to be fulfilled.

None of these things matter now
Because when I wake up in the morning
I choose to be who I am
And it is my decision who that is
Dark roses, silver lights and dawn in my heart,
It feels like that hasn’t been my call for a very long time,
but now it is.

I see clouds outside my window
One looks like a lion about to dance with a gazelle,
graciously it bows and then devours her whole.
Another looks like the handsome stranger
I see him in everything nowadays, wether I like it or not.
He is leaning against a wall with that look in his eyes
As if he knows me
Or has known me in another life
Another place.
He leans forward, his cloudbody dissolving.
And then he is standing here
Full of life in my minds eye
As real as anyone
And he walks towards me and asks me where I’ve been all his life
I smile as an answer and put my hand on his cheek
It’s an awkward thing to do with a stranger
But he doesn’t seem to mind
Just leans forward and dissolves into thin air before his lips meet mine.

No, it doesn’t matter who I was once upon a time
I wake up every day and choose to be this me I am today
And when I find that something I’ve been isn’t working correctly anymore
cogwheels have gone missing, or the woodwork is rotting,
I whisk it  away into the air
and it becomes one of the fluffy white clouds,
floating in the sky.
Like hopes that die a sad death when the moon comes up
And are born again with the fiery glow of new light
As good as new,
the night sky is full of stars,
but my nightstand is empty now.

No, it certainly doesn’t matter who I used to be
I am those hopes I am born with each morning
I am the glimpse in the strangers eye
I am the word on an unread page
An afterthought
A storm cloud
An apparition.
And one day I will dissolve before my beautiful stranger
like he dissolves before me
but not until I’ve kissed him properly
Like only strangers can.IMG_0836

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