We’ve all heard the different stories about pregnancies. We’ve all heard the scary stories about the birth. We’ve heard the stories about the strange cravings and the mood swings. We’ve also heard that you never really understand this thing called “pregnancy”, “childbirth” and “upbringing” until you experience it first hand.
I’m a true believer in empathy and that people can actually understand things without having gone through the ordeal themselves. I always frown when I hear the phrase “Nobody understands me…” and I will continue to do so.
The things I’ve been experiencing however are fascinating and many can easily be filed under “nobody told me”. So let me share some of the things that have been baffling me lately.
Let’s start with the milk. I hate milk. I’ve always hated milk. I hated milk as a child and I still do … or well I did before I became pregnant. Now I suddenly like milk, I say like because using the word love in the same sentence as milk just seems wrong, somehow. It’s not really a case of “nobody told me” but somehow I never expected to take a 180° turn. I do expect this flaw to be corrected after the pregnancy – I like not liking milk. It’s a personality thing!
Let’s move on to the dreams.
Boy, have I been dreaming. Last night I was working as a recycling girl at Shell (Yes the gasoline company) and I had a company car but I had been neglecting the work for a long time and I worried I was going to get in trouble. The world around me was very different from … well reality. It was almost pre-apocalyptic.
These dreams are vivid. Sometimes exhausting. Sometimes (although that’s rarer) they make me smile. And I remember them really well. They stay with me for a long time. They feel like that dream you have once in a blue moon (or I do at least) and you remember for the rest of your life. They ALL feel like that, which is fascinating but at the same time quite tiresome as many of them are just anxiety dreams. Some of them are pleasant though. I’ve dreamt about the girl I’m carrying, nice, pleasant dreams.
Most of the things that fall under the category “Nobody told me” though have to do with bodily functions. The white-goo, the involuntary urine spurts and the sensitive nose come to mind. The nose thing is quite annoying sometimes. I have a sensitive nose to begin with. I’m sensitive to smell, I easily get headaches from strong perfumes and I hate the smell of food when I’m full.
And now… let’s just say that I hope dogs have a stronger head than I do. The smells are exhausting. Smelling people around you in line at the supermarket, the overbearing hospitalish smell at the library and the smells that comes in from outside when I keep the window open. Ugh. I’ve read that it has to do with the mucous membranes in the nose. I’ve also suffered nosebleeds, although not severe at all and not many so no complaints there.
Then there’s the crying. Now we’ve all heard of crying pregnant women. You see them in the movies with the tissue boxes, crying over everything. It’s so bloody obvious but I never suspected that there are sometimes actually no emotions behind the tears at all. The tears just flow… without an ounce of sadness or any other crying-related emotion.
The tears just flow and people tip-toe around you thinking ‘oh boy what did I do now?’ I assure them that it’s all me and no problem, don’t worry but let me tell you that when I was in the car accident a few weeks back, my mantra suddenly became “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry”.
I didn’t cry and I am immensely proud of that fact.
Then there’s the fear. That’s another obvious thing that’s hard to prepare for even though you sort of know it’s a part of this journey. It seems to creep up into every aspect of this part of my life at the moment. I fear that things aren’t going to be alright. I fear that my blood pressure is too high (it was elevated the last time) and I worry about my blood sugar levels. I worry about the little life (and I know that worry will follow me for the rest of my life with any luck!) and I worry that I’m eating wrong and that … well you know. I worry. About everything. Thankfully I have good people to calm me down and to tell the truth I’m excellent at calming myself down. It’s not haphazard, intense worrying but worrying none the less.
Nobody told me either about the wonderful feeling of an alien inside. And I use the word alien in the most loving, most wonderful way I can (can’t you hear it in my voice?;)) about our little girl.
Some things are hard to explain to others. Some things you don’t hear until the topic at hand becomes interesting to you. I turn a brave face to the horror stories, until they haunt my dreams … there I run. I like the strange stories, those I listen to intensely so if you have any then share them with me.
I have the later half to go so I’m sure my list of “nobody told me” will continue to grow. And let me tell you how great and comforting it is to know that there are so many people out there who know EXACTLY how I feel!
Oh and one last thing: I never saw Nymph(o)s as pregnant, big bellied forest deities before.